


Imminent, or not so

by Yaoiprobably



Category: Durarara!!, shizaya - Fandom
Genre: Confusion, Don't what this is going to be, F/M, M/M, Sadness, Some Shizaya
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-26 13:41:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3852868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yaoiprobably/pseuds/Yaoiprobably
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Izaya asked Shizuo to talk he had no clue what the louse was up to. He really didn't expect the flea to apologize for everything he put Shizuo through. Or be on his death bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The call, and the surprise

  _Ring! Ring! Ring!_

"Yeah?" Shizuo responded gruffly, running his fingers through his hair. The voice over the other line was the last person he wanted to talk to on a Saturday night.

 "Shizu-chan, I need to talk with you." Shizuo growled, and was about to speak but Izaya cut him off. " Before you start screaming profanities at me and threats of my imminent death let me explain," Shizuo heard the other man sigh," I am in an alley behind _that_  bar 2 miles from Simon's place. If you could come quickly it would benefit us both."

 " Why would I do that? It's you and I know you are sketchy, as sketchy as  _that_ bar." Shizuo says, even though he's out of bed and dressing as quickly as he can. Something in the tone his nemesis voice scared him. Like scared the crap out of him. It sounded desperate. And Izaya never sounded desperate.

 " Why? You'll see when you get here, Shizu-chan." and with that the line went dead.  _3:39_ the clock read next to Shizuo's nightstand. The fortissimo  of Ikebukoro set out quickly, lighting a cigarette on the way and running because a call from the flea like this probably meant something, something not exactly good.

* * *

Shizuo reached  _that_ bar rather quickly seeing as he lived in not the best part of town and many bars of this sort were all around. Rounding the corner of the only alley on this side of the street, Shizuo saw something he only saw when he saw red, and was chasing a certain informant around the city.

 Izaya sat against the alley wall partially under the cover of darkness, but the fur trim on his coat made it obvious who it was. He looked like he was sleeping but the glaring of the black liquid spread across the ground made it suddenly clear why Izaya called Shizuo. 

 "...Flea?" Izaya stirred slightly, moving his head to look at his beloved monster. "Ahh, Shizu-chan, I thought you wouldn't show. Seems I was wrong in my assumptions. Then again, you were always unpredictable-" Izaya stopped so he could cough up some blood, only to continue with he little monologue." You see, Shizu-chan, I'm dying. I've been stabbed by some gang members, and I"m afraid we'll have to cut our little game of cat and mouse short. I want you to be the one who delivers the killing blow, Shizuo. I want you to kill me."

Shizuo's breath caught in his throat. " What? Flea.. you?"

" Stop there, Shizuo, I don't want you to suddenly to be the hero and take me to Shinra's, no. I  _need_ you to kill me. But before you do, I want to tell you something. I want you to become the monster I always envisioned. I want to be your only regret, so kill me. I want you to be the beast I always wanted to reach but I was never enough to get to. Shizuo I want to the only person you wished you saved, but you can't, because I"m already dead." Izaya stopped again to cough some more. He then gestured to his bleeding chest and abdomen. " I've lost to much blood, even if you did rush me to Shinra's. It's pointless, because I've been dead for years. Emotionally speaking. Only this time I'll die physically, and you'll be the one to witness it. I want you to kill me and regret it. I want you to die inside just as I did, and then you can see that I was always the monster.  Please, make it end, and maybe I can finally be happy, knowing that I wrecked you life as you wrecked my mind."


	2. A look into my mind

 "...and maybe I can finally be happy, knowing that I wrecked your life as you wrecked my mind." Izaya finishes ranting breathing heavily. Shizuo stares still standing at the mouth of the alley looking sick. He slowly walks forward, kneels next to Izaya, and continues his staring.

 " Flea, you annoy me, and I hate you more than anything, but I will not kick a man while he's down. I'm taking you to Shinra's." He then slips his arms underneath Izaya's legs and waist, picking him up like it's nothing ( because it really isn't) and starts running.

 " No, no Shizuo, you don't  _understand!"_  Izaya struggles weakly in Shizuo's arms. " I  _want_ to die, I want to be free of this monotonous life of the same schedule every day. I'm sick of looking at people and feeling nothing, and looking at you and feeling  _EVERTHING!"_ Shizuo stops, confusion and frustration marring his features.

 " What? What do you mean by that?" Shizuo asks before continuing running.

 " You're aware of the saying, 'There is a fine line between love and hate?' Well it would seem that the line disappeared from existence. At one point I think I really did hate you, probably when we first met. But soon after that without knowing I had done so, I found I didn't, no,  _couldn't_ hate you. No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I told myself, I couldn't hate you. You're too nice, too unpredictable, too perfect...." Izaya trailed off, slipping from consciousness.

 " What?! Flea don't fall asleep now! You can just tell me something like that and not finish what your saying!" Shizuo growls angrily, increasing his speed. 

 ' _At least I told him the half truth,'_ Izaya thinks,' _He needs to know something of how I feel. So when I'm dead I can continue to screw with his mind. Oh well, he can't be that stupid. Maybe that metaphor will finally make it through his thick skull. Please let me die before we get to Shinra's.'_

* * *

 

  _ **BANG! BANG! BANG!**_

" Alright, I'm coming!" Shinra was not in the mood to deal with a visitor at  _4:17_ in the morning.

  _ **BANG! BANG! BANG!**_ _ **  
**_

" I'm coming God-" He opened the door to a sight he couldn't imagine. Something he never even thought could happen, not until Hell froze over.  _Looks like it's frozen_. Shizuo looking like a deer in headlights with a battered, bloody, dead looking Izaya in his arms.

 "Fix him, help him, do anything you can, but he has to live Shinra!" Shizuo practically shouts at the underground doctor. He then, very rudely, quickly pushes himself and the unconscious informant into the apartment.

 " I thought you hated him, Shizuo? Aren't you glad Izaya's dying? Did you do this?" Shinra begins asking rapid fire questions, too many at once for Shizuo to answer. All the while Shinra's leading him back to the operating/ recovery/ guest bedroom. " Set him on the bed, carefully now Shizuo!!" Shinra shouts because Shizuo looked like h _e was going to throw the flea on the matress. " Jesus, Shizuo! Now get me gloves and the needle off the counter," Shinra commands as he pull out a bag of blood from the storing unit and puts on a surgical mask._

" Now I'm going to have to make you leave. You can stay, don't eat all my food, and I'll tell you how he is when I get done. Now get out." Shinra shoves Shizuo out and closes the door. Now all Shizuo has to do is wait. He's confused, and wants answers.

_'He can't die, I won't let it happen. I need to know what he meant about the whole love hate line thing. And the comment about me being perfect.'_ All Shizuo can do now is hope and pray to whatever deity there is out there that Izaya will live.

* * *

  _' ..Ow, my everything...Am I dead, I better be...I wouldn't live with myself I confessed to that beast and lived....Oh, my body hurts, this must be hell....'_

Izaya blinks his eyes open slowly, disoriented, and confused.  _' I lived....'_ he thinks. Izaya looks at the white of the bed, the room, it seems familiar. He sees the clock, the green numbers showing him it's 3:51 in the afternoon. ' _I'm at Shinra's'_  Izaya realizes. He blinks owlishly for a little while trying to regain his senses. When he finally is able to think clearly he looks over at the other side of the room.

Shizuo is sitting in a chair by the window dozing. 

 " You protozoan. Why?" Izaya croaks. Shizuo's eyes flutter open locking immediately with Izaya's. 

 'I'm _screwed.'_ Izaya thinks. _  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions are appreciated. and let me know how you guys like it so far. thanks for reading!


	3. Feelings are a surrealist dream no one likes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo rants and drops a bomb and the whole thing is too much for Izaya to take in.

   Shizuo and Izaya stared at each other, hardly blinking, not a word spoken for 4 in a half minutes. Yes, both of them were counting, Izaya more so. It was him who broke the silence.

   " How long have I been out?"

   " Three days," came the gruff reply. "...you umm...You scared me. Don't do it again." He adds looking at his feet. Izaya is at loss for words. The Monster that tries to kill him on almost a daily basis told him to be careful, albeit no exactly in that way.

The tension in the atmosphere between the two men was palpable, and Izaya felt hot and sweaty, and his throat hurt. He spied a glass of water on the table next to the bed, grabbed it quickly, and downed it in one go.

 " Shizu-chan, I can tell you want to talk, but seeing as you lack basic motor functions and people skills you can't start a conversation. Go on, get it out," he said to the other man after finishing the water. 

 " Why? That's the first question, of many that I have for you. How could you be so stupid? To think that I'd even be able to kill you with you in such a pitiful state... And what was the comment about be being perfect?" Shizuo says it all quietly, calmly, very unlike his personality, and this worries Izaya. Being unpredictable was one of the mans best qualities, one of the many things that Izaya liked, although reluctantly, about him.

 " Well Shizu-chan, people say crazy things when they're about to die, wouldn't you think? You could hardly expect me to be in logical state of mind with the blood loss, ne? So I really think anything I said should be forgotten, however, I was being serious about wanting you to kill me," Izaya stops to look up, to see the man he wants so badly to end it all and sees a sight he thought would never happen. A sight he thought he'd never be alive to witness.

 Shizuo Heiwajima, the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro, was crying.

 His eyes were too bright, his face too glossy with tears spilling from said eyes, and he sat hunched over, like a man broken from the weight of the world resting on his shoulders. It was beautiful, like a scene from a painting an unknown artist had the inspiration for at 3 in the morning. And Izaya took it all in, memorizing every broken detail.

 " You're an idiot, you know that?" Shizuo begins rubbing his eyes vigorously. " You're a smart person, Izaya, but you're an idiot. Seeing you almost dead in that alley made me realize something. Wanna know that that is? I don't want you dead. I don't want to kill you, even though the entire time I've known you I've been trying. And when I finally had the chance I couldn't do it. I'm not the monster you think I am, and I'm not going to be the monster you want me to be, Izaya. I don't like violence or gangs and I want all of this to end, but you know what kept me going? The fact that me enemy was doing just fine kept me going. I thought that if you could live another day in this hell then so could I. And then finding out that you want to die made me realize that I wouldn't be able to live without your shitty presence in my life. So you can't just go around almost getting yourself killed unless this city wants both of it's favorite people gone from existence!" He's breathing fairly hard now, partially because he's almost shouting, and because half way through his rant he got up and is now standing over Izaya.

  Izaya says nothing not knowing how to react to such a confession. Shizuo just told him that if he died then so would the other. He basically just confessed his love, although that was kind of a crappy way to confess one's feelings for another. Shizuo starts to talk again, breaking Izaya's train of thought.

 " You've been asleep for three days and I've had a long time to think about this whole situation and everything. I think that we're not the enemies we were a couple of days ago, and our whole dynamic is going to be different when you get out of here, so I wanted to try something." He then leans over, face too close, to Izaya's and appears to be having an internal battle. Shizuo seems to make up his mind and leans forward, angling his head to that his and Izaya's lips brush slowly.

 Eyes wide open the first thought in Izaya's mind is to push him away, and his second is to pull Shizuo closer and relish in the contact but the warmth of the other mans lips are gone too quickly for Izaya to act upon the action. Shizuo's face has many emotions flitting across and he gets up mutters something about 'knowing it,' and leaves the room as quickly as the kiss. 

 Shinra comes in soon after to check up on the injured man and while refilling his water he says, " He didn't leave the whole time, you know. Stayed by you bed for three days. So when you get out of here you better thank him for saving you, even if you didn't want him to." He leaves after finishing his check on the informant.

'This whole situation is a surreal dream and this can't be helping,' Izaya thinks before shaking his head and wishing the protozoan would come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions are always taken into consideration and sorry for the update-less week, I had finals. Thanks for reading

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic, and i have no clue what i'm doing. Constructive criticism is appreciated. also Idk if i want Izaya do die or to live so please help me decide.


End file.
